fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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