Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
