i don't like sucking hair
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
