She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
