Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
