I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
