My hand turned me down
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
