mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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