the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
