it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
