Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
