im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
