i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
