To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
