When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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