i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
