i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
