i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
