Someone shit on the floor
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
