im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
