Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
