she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
