Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
