I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
