So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
