Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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