just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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