My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love having hate sex.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
