high people should be assigned attendants
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
