I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
