you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
