happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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