drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
