I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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