I wish I could teleport
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
