I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
In America we eat man semen.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
