So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
