There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
