Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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