I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
