I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
