either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
whose parrot is this?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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