Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
