You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
