sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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