I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
