i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
