Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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