Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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