You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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