Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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