I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
