That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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