I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
