There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
