dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
