I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
