Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
